i jhust puked up my retainher.
another moral hangover. fuck.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
