i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
