I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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