i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
