dude i'm inner monologue high
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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