I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
