we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize