Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
