bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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