he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Success! We fucked roommates!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
