Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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