I just pynch a tree in the face
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Randomize
