Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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