Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
