All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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