How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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