It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to make out with him forever
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
