we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
