a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
