I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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