You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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