I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
