It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
