Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
