He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
