I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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