So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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