Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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