I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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