That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
