I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
