just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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