You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
