Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
