i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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