Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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