Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
