You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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