Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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