DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
