i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
