No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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