we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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