Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize