He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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