nut hugger
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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