all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
