For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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