you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
