I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
