she smelled like a LAN party
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
