im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
