Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize