I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
NoShamevember. You game?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
