I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
