Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
