I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He kissed a someone with a penis
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
