Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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