Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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