Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
