i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
