bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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