...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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