actually, I'm a sock model
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
