even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
