Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize