I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
