O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
