everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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