I cannot find my penis.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
