Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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