I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
