It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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